Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
