Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
