Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
