We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
