You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He shit in the fireplace
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
