I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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