Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
