Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
