Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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