a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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