You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
