Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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