I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
