eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
