i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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