New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
