We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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