in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
