so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
