You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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