when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
