Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
