she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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