You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
