in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
