Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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