I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
