how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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