you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
