Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
