I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
