Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
