I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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