So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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