3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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