I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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