He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
