I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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