Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
