Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
