dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
