he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
