yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
