If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my liver is dry heaving
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
