i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
