Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
