I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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