We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
