Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
