i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They took my balls.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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