I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
