this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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